About a week ago, we were having a tough morning. One of my kids was really tired and not in the mood to go to school or get ready. Then out of nowhere, she asks, “isn’t there a painting kit I got for Christmas we haven’t opened yet?” My immediate instinct was to say that she had to get ready for school first or that we didn’t have that much time and painting was messy, but then I thought that maybe this was a moment she needed to reset. And while we didn’t have tons of time to paint, we did have a little. So we busted out the paints and both girls were happily immersed in painting with brushes of all different colored textures.
As I tidied the kitchen and watched the kids paint, I remembered a phrase from a book I read several years ago, “beware the soul sucking force of reasonableness” from The Power of Moments by Chip and Dan Heath. It would have been reasonable to stick to the routine, or push off painting until after school. A lot of days, I would have made that choice. But, by choosing the less reasonable choice, it totally turned around my daughter’s mood and created a moment of sisterly connection. When it was time to clean up paints and start getting ready, she moved through the getting routine much faster than she would have if I had to nag her to it earlier.
I’m not trying to say everyone should always say yes to a messy project first thing in the morning. For many people the schedule is too tight in the morning to make that work, and there are definitely many days we wouldn’t have had the time to do so. There are also days where I feel at capacity and don’t want to add in extras. But I do like the point the quote makes: it can be easier to always stick to the routine or reasonable choice, but detouring from the reasonable can make for some really fun moments. I think I especially resonate with this quote because I’m not always good at being spontaneous; I like sticking to the routine. It’s nice to remember that there can be real upsides to an unexpected yes as a parent.
Do you have any good memories from times you or someone you were with deviated from a routine or rule or did something less reasonable than usual? Are there other quotes that have popped into your head at random moments?
Wow- you are a fun mom. Well done. I’m sure she will remember that morning and your flexibility for years to come.
ReplyDeleteWhen our kids were little, if Coach was working late (this was the case 4 nights a week), I tended to go off schedule- let them stay up late or make a tent or go outside after dinner, etc. Our mornings were less relaxed- I really did not want them to miss the bus. ;)
Oh wow, I don't know if I would bust out the paints, so I am very impressed. I am not a spontaneous person at all, but you are right - the few times I just decided something on the fly, those times often are the most memorable. Now, can I actually remember anything right now? No. But I'm sure they are there!
ReplyDeleteI am terrible at deviating from routine or being spontaneous! Good for you for choosing the bigger life in that moment! Our mornings have so little margin so there is no time for anything fun or novel. But I try to introduce novelty and fun into the weekend when I can!
ReplyDeleteThis is such an inspirational post. I know not every day works to break out the paints, but it is so rewarding as a parent to have a "flexible" moment and have it be rewarded with a smooth pivot. Your kids will remember it too :)
ReplyDeleteI had an allergic reaction to a medication when I was in high school. It was a rash that didn't itch, but did travel EVERYWHERE, including my face and hands. My mom picked me up (crazy rare since she worked nights and was rarely awake during the day) and took me to the doctor. Instead of taking me back to school, which would have been the routine, we got ice cream and went shopping for shoes. I remember this day very vividly. Now that my mom is gone, I often think about that day and how special it was for the two of us to have time together.
ReplyDeleteThat book sounds excellent. I checked and they have it at our library! I'm going to read it. Your story reminds me of another piece of parenting advice, "Say yes as often as possible." I love that you said yes to the paints!
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