Happy Thursday! Life here has been pretty good. We have had a few tricky parenting phases with sleep and school drop offs, but I’m definitely feeling in a better place about it than I was when we began the month.
1. Like I mentioned above, we had some kid phases in the past month that took a lot of energy. Things have definitely improved. I really took Nicole’s advice to heart. She wrote, “they need their "tanks filled," and so when they are clingy and needy, it's because they just need a little extra, and to give them the extra love and attention.” This really helped me to dig deep and provide that extra love and snuggles. I also tried to make pain points in the day more enjoyable. If we had extra time before school drop off, I snuggled my toddler in the front seat of the car while we listened to Frog and Toad. I packed snacks for the car ride pickups, which I resisted because it seemed unnecessary, but made our afternoons so much more peaceful. Round trip, the whole thing takes 45 minutes, so having something to look forward to in that for M really helps.
2. Another thing I thought about a lot was something I read in Lag Liv’s post. She wrote, “I remember thinking, I am so glad I have a job. My day could have so easily risen and fallen based on her own experiences and that would be the worst thing I could do for her.” Right now, I don’t work outside the home, and it is absolutely true that it’s easy for the emotional tone of my day to mirror that of my least happy child. My kids are younger, and the problems are smaller, but it’s still true. Lately, I’ve been trying to focus on what’s in my control (exercising, being outside with the kids, making yummy food, seeing friends and family, how I show up for the kids) instead of feeling so caught up in kid feelings/struggles. I also have been waffling a lot on when it’s the right time to go back to work. I now feel clarity that I’d like to wait until M starts TK, which is essentially one school year away at this point. At that point she will be at the same school as A, and we won’t have to figure out different childcare for one year. There is a lot I enjoy about being home with the kids and the flexibility of that comes with it. Since we can swing it financially for another year, I feel good about the choice even if there are days when I miss teaching. I also know that it is a huge privilege to have this option to stay home while our kids are little, and I don’t want to lose sight of that either.
3. Lastly, I’ve been really enjoying the Money for Couples podcast. It’s so interesting to get a window into conversations about people’s perspectives on money decisions and also see how different couples make decisions. I highly recommend it, and it has also helped me feel more motivated to stay on top of our day to day finances as well as think through the bigger picture with more intention.
3. Do you also enjoy hearing about other people’s finances? Have you ever had a gap in working, and if so, what was it like returning to work?
I am glad you’ve found ways to fill the kids tanks. That advice from Nicole is so smart! Being a SAHM would be so hard. I could not do it. I would if I had to, but I am a better mom because I work. I just don’t have the patience reserves it would require! I did have a hard time coming back to work after having our first but by 10 months I knew I was meant to stay at my job. I hope your return to work goes smoothly when you go back but I bet it will. My SIL was out of work for probably 8-10 years. Her son was over last weekend and we were talking about how she just jumped back in and it’s hard to imagine that she didn’t work for a long stretch of time!
ReplyDeleteAnd I like posts about finances. I think it’s fascinating how we all manage our expenses and income differently!!
It's encouraging to hear that your SIL had such a smooth transition after a long gap--I think I was worried that I'd leave a gap too long, but I think I just need to trust that it will work out.
DeleteI'm so glad that was helpful for you!
ReplyDeleteI have had gaps in working. I never went back to work full-time when I had kids, so that was odd. It feels strange to think I haven't worked in an office since 2004! I have had part-time work, but it was so different from what I used to do. It is definitely a different vibe, taking the non-working option.
That's a good reminder that part time is an option too! There are fewer part-time positions in teaching, but they definitely exist!
DeleteLittle kids are hard! Ben and I both structured our lives to have a parent home with the kids every day, and I think it's so valuable (and a huge privilege-- I really do get that). Dorothy really loved The Kissing Hand when she was 3 and had a rough time going to part-day nursery school. We would listen to it in the car almost every day on the way to school. Audiobooks have also been huge for Minnie and me as we do the school pick up/activity drop-off slog. Maybe you guys could find a series that makes the car ride extra fun. Once everyone can buckle their own seat belt and wipe their own butt, mom life gets so much easier-- and before you know it, everyone can regulate their own emotions, and you can always find 15 minutes alone-- it's a whole new world.
ReplyDeleteI'll definitely check out the Kissing Hand, I think M would respond well to that. Audiobooks help a lot! I'll have to find more that work for both ages, but when we like what we are listening to it does make the car rides much more enjoyable!
DeleteI've never turned in anywhere to hear about other people's finances, so I'm not sure I'd find that interesting. Maybe it would make me second guess our situation - which is more FLY BY THE SEAT OF YOUR PANTS than how I was raised. My dad is an accountant and he tried to control our finances early in our marriage. I finally told him to bug off. Growing up, my mom had to write the reason for every purchase on the receipt and stick it in his little left drawer on his desk. I thought that was normal. Far from it.
ReplyDeleteI quit my job when I was putting Coach through PT school - I made more money as a nanny and my commute while working was insane. I continued to babysit after Lad was born - he came with me. After I had Ed, I stayed home - occasionally sitting for other people's kids here and there. Those were lean years. I went back to work a few days a week when Curly was in preschool. Then that position was eliminated and I started sitting for teachers' kids in my house. I've been doing that for 11 years. I cherish those years home with the kids, and so do they. Wouldn't change it for the world. We had investments and so did our kids, thanks to Mr. Put the Receipt in the Drawer and his dad, my grandfather. That money helped the kids pay for college, etc. We are both very frugal as well, so living off the salary of a PT was challenging but we made it work.
I can't imagine having to justify every purchase--I think that would make me feel so rebellious. It's great that you've managed to find work watching teacher's kids, and that it allowed you to have so much time with your own kids too.
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